Happy Wednesday! Only two more days to go. You got this!
So, if I am being honest this has been a mediocre week for me in terms of eating. I haven’t been out of control by any means, but I also haven’t been my normal, measure it all, count it all, self. I have just been snacky, little picks here and there. They haven’t been junk food at all, mostly fruit, the occasional pita, etc, but that stuff adds up! My weight watcher leader calls it grazing, and it couldn’t be more true. I feel drawn to the kitchen where I aimlessly open and close cabinets in hopes of finding the perfect, zero point, zero calorie treat I can munch on…only to find rice cakes and grapes…which I inevitably take a bite…or two of. Then, 20 minutes later, there I am, back in the kitchen, pacing.
These grazing occurrences almost seem random. When I binge, which is not what I am talking about here, I generally can figure what happened that caused it. Someone said something or I feel out of control for some reason and that’s how I handle it. This is different. When I am snacky, like I have been, the pattern isn’t as clear. I decided that instead of continuing to go over my points just because I was weirdly pacing my kitchen for hours out of the day, periodically finding morsels to munch on, I would take a moment and reflect. Life is pretty good right now, maybe the best it has ever been, so what was I dealing with that I subconsciously needed to comfort with food?
You may be staring at your computer or phone and yelling…”Tedi, it’s obvious!” and maybe it should have been. It took me days. It wasn’t until I found myself in the kitchen, ringing my hands and nervously fighting with myself about having another handful of grapes that I thought…”I feel so anxious.” YES, anxiety is it, but about what? Life is good. Jeff and I are fantastic, I am loving the blog and my work, the parents are good, friends are happy….everything is fine…why do I feel anxious?
It got me thinking about a conversation I had with my husband the other night. I told him that the blog is going well but I have so far to go, so much to do. I had read a magazine article with a blogger featured and was telling him how I wish that was me. He kind of rolled his eyes and sighed.
I immediately shot at him a forceful glare and he calmly asked me, rightfully,
“Why are you worrying about being in a magazine or having a million followers? Don’t you love what you are doing?”
I immediately said, “Of course I do, very much. I am loving all of this.”
He instantly responded, “Then why aren’t you just focusing on that?”
Woah! Too true. Why wasn’t I? I should just enjoy this, enjoy loving my job, and not be looking for the next thing. That is what is happening here. I am anxious about the next thing. Right now we are saving for a home, thinking about kids (THINKING ONLY) and I have just started a new business. We are steadily walking toward a precipice unsure of what’s on the other side. Being the ultra planner that I am, this state of limbo before these next stages in our lives is uncomfortable. Instead of enjoying this magical moment where we aren’t accountable to much, I am too anxious and focused on what is to come.
I think this happens a lot where we get so caught up in what’s imminent that we forget the greatness of now and we ignore our present. Recently I have been worrying about if I am doing enough on this blog instead of just enjoying the fact that I get to do it! Not only that, but I have been watching everyone else (generally a bad idea) and comparing where we are and “they” are or where we “should” be. All of these arbitrary scales of which to weigh my life’s worth instead of being grateful for the incredible moments that I get to experience right now.
So right now I am typing at my desk with the window in front of me. Dusk is upon us and the sun is beginning to go down. It is calm. Most people are home, eating dinner or at their destinations for the night, so the streets are quiet. Our desk is in the bedroom. My husband is laying on the bed, so we can work at the same time and be in the same room. Our keyboards are clicking and clacking away…both of us making progress on our own task. No words. I turn to my left and meet his eyes, a small smile cracks on his handsome, bearded face. My face repeats the gesture and then we turn and go back to our work. Although this was just a small smile, it was more then just a exhibition of happiness, it was of content and love in it’s most pure form. I soak in this moment. I am grateful for this moment. To get to work with my husband, loving what we do and each other, feeling fulfilled and supported.
So this is my plan to fight off those pesky anxiety ridden snack attacks when I get another notification on my phone of a house selling in the area, or I see a blogger in a magazine and I think…”I should be doing that.” I am going to stop, take a deep breath in with my nose, out with my mouth, and think of the things or moments I am grateful for today. Like this one, where I am reminded, in a small way, how much I truly love my husband and how blessed I am to live this life. It’s not going to always work, but focussing more on our present and, most importantly on being grateful for our present, I think will propel us to our best future. I am tired about worrying about a future I can hardly control. What I can control is how I spend my moments and this just seems way better then anxiously eating handfuls of rice puffs. So, who’s with me? Who’s ready to focus on the here and now? I have decided to start a Gratitude Journal. As we all know…I am most dangerous at night. I wake up, alone with my thoughts, and my mind automatically goes into what I need to get done, and I start to get anxious…and I go to the kitchen. Instead, I am going to write down a few things I am grateful for. Really think about them and let them sink in. I am hopeful this will help me stop worrying about what I cannot control and better focus my energy on what matters. Have any of you done a Gratitude Journal? How has it worked for you?
So with that in mind, I am sharing a recipe that is simple, only a few ingredients. The idea isn’t to hugely transform these ingredients, but rather to celebrate what they are right now. It will take you 40 minutes from start to finish and then you can get back to enjoying your life and your family. This is without a doubt a family friendly meal with the slightly sweet pineapple and the super moist tenderloin. Oh you say…pork tenderloin is always so dry! Not this one!!! Because we sear it really quickly at the beginning and then finish it by braising it in the oven, we make sure not to over cook it so that it keeps all of that delicious savory flavor and super tender texture. There is no gluten or dairy and it has no added sugar. The pork tenderloin is very high in protein so you will stay full longer and the sweet pineapple will convince any picky eater. Pair this with basmati rice or cauliflower rice and some carrots and you will have an amazing meal on your hands, in only 40 minutes.
Let me know your thoughts on this post and what you have to be grateful for right now.
I can’t wait to hear from you.